I have learned that being myself is probably the most helpful thing I can do in any situation I face. The hard part is figuring out who I really am.
Before I came to FMA, I knew that I didn’t know what I was capable of, and honestly, I didn’t care to find out. I figured it would be too much work for too little result.
I tried to impress people with things that weren’t really true, and by telling them how amazing I am. On the inside, however, I was a cowering little girl, who only said nice things about myself to get people to agree or maybe to see things they hadn’t noticed before. Well, it didn’t work.
It used to confuse me so much why this didn’t work with the people I met at FMA, the way it did on people back home. Now, nine months later I realize this was because the people back home were the same as I was, just as insecure. They would hear me talk, but they wouldn’t listen, because they were too focused on their own problems. Not that I blamed them, most of their problems outweighed mine.
Now that I have been “dragged and carried” into learning about myself, I can say that I am grateful. I have been out in the wilderness providing for myself for 58 days, four of which were with no food, no tent, and no sleeping bag. I have stayed up late hours of the night to finish work, and then woken up in the morning to do the same.
My point of view on work is different from some. I have never enjoyed it and probably never will. I am among the few who would be happy to never have to work again. But that’s not an option.
My point is that finding out who I really am and what I believe was not easy. Although I did not enjoy the process, I thank all of you who dragged me, “kicking and screaming,” along the way. When I look back at the people who were, and probably still are, like I used to be, it breaks my heart, because I know where they are going. The difference is, I don’t have to go there, too.

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