I believe the most significant experience during solo, was realizing how much I used to take food for granted. When I was thinking about my past, I realized that the food my Mom bought for almost always went unappreciated. I may have enjoyed eating it, but I forgot her kindness in buying it. I spent most of my time reflecting upon my past and all the nice meals I didn’t finish. I felt as though I was beating myself up about it, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. For example, over spring break, my Mom took me out to lunch at my favorite restaurant, and then after getting our legs waxed, she took me to a coffee place. I was still full from lunch, but she wouldn’t let me get only a coffee. So I got a snicker doodle cookie. I didn’t eat it for almost a week. It sat on my desk next to my bed and I ate one little piece at a time, not really enjoying it, but getting it off my desk. On solo, I wanted that cookie so bad, I would have done anything and I hated myself for being so unappreciative.
I spent some of my time focusing on the food I would eat once I get home, but I wondered if I would still want it by then.
I sometimes wondered how my Mom would act if she had known how hungry I was. I wondered if she would bring be platters of food and force me to eat until I couldn’t move. I would have really liked that.
I thought about what Mr. Kevin said about someone saying that “sex is mankind’s strongest instinct.” I thought that whoever said that was an idiot. I wanted food.
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