While I was out there I thought a lot about my past, and the one thing that kept coming back to me was how badly I had treated my family before I came here. But the most significant thought was how much I truly love my family and how they would do anything for me, and how I should give back to them the same respect they give me.
What was my first thought when I was left alone?
I was really light headed . I thought to myself, why am I here? Why didn’t I just leave before solo? Then I remembered I was here for the experience of it all, and I went on.
My thoughts on the second morning:
I was glad that I slept through the night. That was when I first started feeling weak, and I sat by my fire and thought about what I would do over the summer. Who would I truly be? Would I keep the same habits that I have built here, or would I go back to the old habits? I thought about where both roads would lead me. Then I knew which one was right, but also would be the hardest. I have to find strength in my self before I face the outside.
My thoughts on the third morning:
I thought about how far I have come this year, and how much I have learned. I got to a point where I was getting confused about the whole thing. I thought what would happen if they told me to do this when I first came here. I thought that the end of this road was near, and I had to find the next one to go down.
I spent the first day thinking mostly about the urgent, like shelter, food and water. But by the last three days I started thinking about the future and the past. I thought about the things that could happen, and would happen. I spent about fifty percent of thinking about the past and fifty percent thinking about the future.
I think being in this meditative state of mind helped be to not always be in the urgent. I spent most of my time in my own thoughts.
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