My dad sent me here; he is insane.
“A great new experience, knowledge to gain.”
To survive in the wilderness, that’s how we train
And I’m talking in rhyme to keep my mind off the pain.

My dad is a liar, he said this was fun
Fun is the beach, Hawaii, the sun
A tropical drink in my right hand
To the left and

behind a great reggae band

My family is there and we’re all having fun
As I lie here and tan in the sun
But instead, I’m still here on this damp-smelling hill
I wanna take a break, just to sit still

I think it’s ridiculous we hike this far
Why not take a bus, a bike, or a car?
There’s mud on the road, mud under my boot
I’m getting quite mad, I want something to shoot

Something to stab,
something to kill
But I hike along slowly
on this stupid old hill

If I had some magic,
three wishes I may
Wish for a car,
a pink Chevrolet

I’d throw my backpack onto the seat
I’d press down quite hard;
my leg is quite strong
Before you could say, “Wow!”
Beep, beep and I’m gone

But now I have no magic, no genie and lamp
All I have is a compass, some matches, a map
A 40-pound backpack makes me go slow
While the rain hammers down in a cold muddy flow

The rain just falls down,
all relaxed staying chill
Because it gets to float
all the way down the hill

But I have to go the opposite way,
No rain shall be going the way I go today.
Except the rain water inside my canteen
And my water bottle, water I got from the stream

Then boiled in a can to make it clean
Cause this stuff ain’t filtered, ya’ know what Imean?
We cook our camp food on a fire this way.
But it’s very hard on a freezing rainy day

The rain just keeps falling down,
rain, rain, rain
I’m sick of lentils
I want lo mein

And as an afterthought,
a side dish of rice
But I’d better be thankful
that I don’t have lice

If I did get lice
I would surely die
I’d scream and I’d whimper
and I’d scratch and I’d cry

While I’m gathering wood
I’ll stand there and pray
I’ll write you if I get lice today
Please write back soon, and soon means right away!

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