Ya’ll are probably wondering what the “Stove of Pain” is. Well, I can tell you exactly what it is from first-hand experience. This stove is a big black hunk of metal that uses no electricity whatsoever, because it is older than time itself (and that’s saying something). Of course, we have to use the “Stove of Pain” to cook instead of the modern gas stove that sits right next to it. Are they trying to mock us?

Now you might be wondering how in the name of guacamole you’re supposed to heat a hunk of metal without electricity? Easy. You put firewood into the “mouth” of the firebox. Now you must be warned, this “mouth” likes to bite. Yes, bite. It has burning hot edges and if you get too close you get a painful burn; two of which I have on my right wrist. They will both leave nice scars which I will praise and praise everyday of my life with anger, pain, and, of course, the thought of revenge! I also have a burn on my pinky, thumb, and amazingly my neck, which I got by getting too close to the “mouth” of the stove and it “bit” me.

While I think of a great way to get revenge, I think I should tell you about Allie and her revenge on the Stove of Pain. It was last year when she was on the kitchen crew in the 1st third of the year. It was one of her first times cooking alone in the morning. She was melting butter for something on the “hot spot” of the stove, when she had to move it over and put something else on the “hot spot.” The butter sloshed over and lit on fire. Allie of course did not know what to do, she was terrified and the thought ran through her mind, “This place is going to burn down!” Through the use of quick thinking and adrenaline she beat the flames with a dishtowel, but while she fought the stove, the stove fought back by burning her multiple times. She claims this was “accidental”, but I say otherwise. I would like to catch the stove on fire too, in revenge! Muahahaha! But since Allie has already done that I need to think of something different. Darn!

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